The Pillow Crooned

Or Why You Don’t Want Your Pillow to be the Reincarnation of Ray Charles

My alarm clock bellowed and yanked me out of my dream. The violence of displeased me to no end, then a freezing draft blew by my cheek. It would be a very cold winter day. I’d have to get outside to go to work. I didn’t want to.
“I really can’t stay,” I said out loud to coaxe myself up.
“But baby it’s cold outside,” my pillow crooned.

(Reader, go on and click here. Replace the lyrics by the following.)

I really can’t stay – Baby, it’s cold outside
I’ve got to go away – Baby, it’s cold out there
This whole night has been – Been hoping that you’d stay in
So very nice – I’ll warm your feet, they’re just like ice

My bosses will start to worry – Beautiful what’s you’re hurry
And producers will be pacing the floor – Don’t you wish for a fireplace roar
So really I’d better scurry – Beautiful, please don’t hurry
Well, maybe just a half a snooze more – I will cuddle you while you snore

And the neighbors might say – Baby it’s bad out there
Do you think she’s okay? – No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how – Your eyes are closing now
To break the spell – I’ll hold your head, your hair looks swell

I ought to say no, no, no sir – Mind if I move in closer?
At least I’m gonna say that I tried – What’s the sense of hurtin’ my pride?
I really can’t stay – Baby don’t hold out
Baby but it’s cold outside

I simply must go – but Baby it’s cold outside
The answer is no – i say it’s cold out there
The welcome has been – How lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm – Look out that window, at the storm

My artist will be suspicious – Gosh, your hair smells delicious
My coworkers will be there at the door – Waves upon a tropical shore
My programmer’s mind is vicious – Gosh, your hair smells delicious
Well maybe just a few minutes more – Oh, never such a blizzard before

I’ve got to go work – Baby, you’ll freeze out there
Say, could you quit the quirk – It’s up to your knees out there
You’ve really been grand – I thrill if you hit dreamland
But don’t you see – How can you do this thing to me

There’s bound to be talk tomorrow – Think of my lifelong sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied – If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can’t stay – Get over that hold out
oh but it’s cold outside

And then, despite knowing I’d be grilled tomorrow for missing a day’s work without calling, I drifted back to sleep.
And if there were talk the day after, I sure didn’t hear it. My pillow kept on winning. Every morning. Until there was no reason for me to get up.

(Originally published on the Writeaholic’s Blog)

  1. February 23, 2010 at 2:17 am

    *ROFLOL!!!*
    I have days like this.

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