The Mad Adventures of Chris and Angelo part one

The Beginning

Rabid werechipmunks?  Yes, I would have expected to see that in the middle of my hallway when I left my bedroom.

That damn elf?  Nope.

But there he was, just coming out of the bathroom, jeans slung low on his hips and a damp towel draped over his head.  His skin was slightly flushed from the hot water, and drops glistened on the dark hair dusting his chest.  When he looked at me, he smirked.

“See somethin’ ya like, Chris?” he asked me in his deliciously deep voice.

“Shut up, Angelo,” I muttered, walking past him.  I heard him chuckle, and I fought the urge to go back and remind him of his position in my house.  Making my way into the kitchen, I grinned when I saw my assistant, her dragonfly wings easily keeping her in the air.

“Boss, what are we going to do with the elf?” the little violet sprite asked me.

I shrugged.  “I haven’t got it figured out yet.”

“We need to do something.”

“I know, Lilly, but these things take time.”  Angelo wasn’t just some random elf.  He was competition.  Which is why he is currently my prisoner.  He knows too much about my operations, about my plans for world domination.

And I was still kinda pissed at how he managed to break into my lab.

~*~*~* Yesterday! ~*~*~*

“It’s alive!”

“Boss, it’s not suppose to be alive.”

Confused, I glanced at Lilly.  I always tried to make things alive.  “What was I supposed to be making?”

“Lunch,” she said slowly.

I looked back down at my creation, and tilted my head.  “Well, that would definitely explain why it looks like a sandwich.”

My former lunch had sprouted tentacle like arms, and eyestalks.  It looked up at me with it’s beady black eyes.  Then it moved its arms underneath it, and pushed off the counter towards my face, the bread forming a mouth with lettuce teeth.  Before I could react, it wrapped its arms around my neck and tried to gnaw my cheek.

I sighed in annoyance as lettuce teeth tried desperately to break my skin.  Lilly pried it off my neck and I grabbed it.  Holding it against the counter, I leaned over and picked up the sledgehammer.


No more mutant turkey sandwich.

I grinned at Lilly.  “How about tacos?”

But then we heard a crash from downstairs.

“Boss, don’t tell me you didn’t lock up the turtle giraffe hybrids,” the sprite groaned.

I rolled my eyes.  “Of course I did.  I’m  a genius, remember?”

“No, boss, you’re mentally unstable and extremely forgetful.”

“Whatever,” I said with a dismissive wave of my hand.  “Let’s go find out what it was.”

We went down to the basement and I slowly opened to door.   I poked my head around the frame, and Lilly hovered above me.

“I don’t see anything,” she whispered.

“Nor do I,” I whispered back.  We slipped into the room, and snuck forward.  This was one of those times I was thankful for my human feet as opposed to my hooves.

Sneaking around the main table, I stopped, and blinked a few times.

There was a guy kneeling next to the table, clutching the back of his head.  His black hair hung to cover his face, and his grey t-shirt, jeans, and black sneakers didn’t provide any insights to his identity.  I tiptoed to him, and knelt down.

“Um, can I help you?”  I pushed his hair away from his face, and dark chocolate brown eyes stared at me.

“Wow, angels really are pale.”

I blinked, taken aback by his comment.  I didn’t think I was that pale.  Sure, my long hair was silver, my skin alabaster, and my eyes a pale, clear blue.  But come on.

“I’m not an angel.”

“Then are you here against your will?”  He shot up, surprising me, and I took a quick step back, but he wrapped his arms around me and crushed me to his chest.  “Is that bastard holding beautiful women prisoner?”  I shot a desperate look towards Lilly, her violet eyes were wide and she seemed in shock.  “Or are you some experiment?”

“What?” I asked, but it was muffled against his chest.

“Rhineheart, of course!”

Oh, jeez.  “And who might my savior be?”

“I am Dr Seren, but you can call me Angelo.”

Ah, so this was Seren?  He was the one who said my turtle giraffe hybrids would never work.

“You’re the elf, right?”

I could sense his confusion at my question.  “Yes.  And who exactly am I holding?”

“I’m Rhineheart.”

He shoved me away, and held me at arms length.  “You’re not Dr Rhineheart, are you?”

“Yeah,” I said slowly.  “And what exactly are you doing in my lab?”

“Dr Chris Rhineheart?”

Gods, this elf was dense.  “Yeah, that’s me.”

“You’re suppose to be a guy!”

“Chris is short for Christine, you moron.”

His mouth was open, and he reminded me of a fish.  A pointy-eared fish.

“The butterflies?” he finally asked.

Ah, yes, the butterflies.  They were my greatest work!  “Well, genetically enhanced carnivorous butterflies don’t make themselves!” I said, smugly.

Then I grinned.  “And you, sir, are my prisoner.”

~*~*~* To Be Continued ~*~*~*

  1. Jenn
    March 1, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Holy crap, Kylie! I love your sense of humour! I gotta see what a turtle giraffe hybrid looks like! I can’t wait to read the rest of it!

  2. February 23, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    Holy mother of god, this is freaking hilarious!! The mutant sandwhich rabidly going at your neck with lettuce teeth! ROFLMAO 😀

    I think this is my favorite bit:

    “Boss, don’t tell me you didn’t lock up the turtle giraffe hybrids,” the sprite groaned.

    I rolled my eyes. “Of course I did. I’m a genius, remember?”

    “No, boss, you’re mentally unstable and extremely forgetful.”

    • Kylie Ru
      February 24, 2010 at 12:13 pm

      I loved that part, too. I’m glad you like it!

  3. Chris
    February 13, 2010 at 8:02 am

    Being a not so much ‘puter nerd it takes me awhile to figure things out(like how to get Here) but it has been well worth it. I think i just awakened my entire family laughing. Extremely well done. I am happy you are feeling better.

    • Kylie Ru
      February 13, 2010 at 7:57 pm

      😀 I’m so glad you liked it! Although, I don’t think your family liked that you liked it! xD

  4. Phil
    February 11, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    I swear I was given a sandwich like that the other day. I will never never ever eat in the university dining hall again. Genetically enhanced carniverous butterflies could be Nobel Prize material. Koneechiwa, Kylie-chan? Is the mouth all healed? I hope so. Mine actually hurts from laughing. 😉

    • Kylie Ru
      February 12, 2010 at 1:05 am

      The mouth is on the tail end of being all healed. I’m chewing again instead of eating like a snake. I’m thrilled you enjoyed the story! Hopefully, I’ll have another one up before the weekend is out.

  5. February 11, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    LOL, That sandwich is EXACTLY the reason WHY I’m a VEGETARIAN. Really. You never know what you’re gonna get. 🙂 Tons of fun Kylie! can’t wait for more!!

    • Kylie Ru
      February 11, 2010 at 4:39 pm

      I love the sandwich! I think that’s my favorite part.

  6. marsha
    February 11, 2010 at 10:15 am

    Ah Kylie, I love your dangerously scatter-brained mad scientist. The killer turkey sandwich was brilliant!

    • Kylie Ru
      February 11, 2010 at 10:55 am

      She is pretty awesome, huh? Yup, the sandwich was my first idea for this story.

  7. Antonio Rich
    February 10, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    OK, Kylie-chan – now you got me wonderin’ what a turtle-giraffe hybrid would look like…I’m thinking it would look like one of those tall walking storm trooper things from The Empire Strikes Back movie(Star Wars)…I always look forward to reading one of your stories!

    • Kylie Ru
      February 10, 2010 at 10:56 pm

      I have no idea what it looks like. Just something random I came up with.

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